Bobbing For Severed Heads

If I ran Disney's New Projects Department

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 22:50:21 GMT

Dude wrapping-up a pitch for a new project:

And the tagline will be "The real world and the animated world COLLIDE!"

Me, the VP:

Amazing! That's just incredible! Inventive! I've never heard anything more original in all my years with the company! Write this man a big check!

[Uncomfortable silence, while I smile obsequiously at the dude.]

Me, again:

YOU ARE FUCKING FIRED. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE. AND I'M HAVING YOUR DESK AND CUBICLE FUCKING BURNED PUBLICLY AS WARNING TO YOUR NOW-EX-COWORKERS. YOU ARE HEARBY BANISHED FROM THE REALM OF CREATIVE EMPLOYMENT. GET THE FUCK OUT.

SECURITY!

Alas. Instead, we have this.

To what I have been up

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 15:44:50 GMT

For all y'all who've been wondering about what I've been doing in Dallas:

http://www.wfaa.com/sharedcontent/VideoPlayer/videoPlayer.php?vidId=125849&catId=104

The "Wizard's Room," huh? Well, you know what that makes me?

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 05:37:43 GMT

Ohhhh... so THAT's why people don't mix their albums on airplanes.

Jez-Idioteque.mp3

What started as a test of a free vocoder VST ended up filling out the whole flight. The Beastie Boys sound way better when modulated in the frequency domain with these chords. Well, it sounded good on the approach to DFW, but my ears weren't at their best. Criticism welcome.

Please sing along loudly.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 21:25:24 GMT

"Fields, a Christian who originally speculated his sighting might have had something to do with End Time prophecies from the Bible, still wants people to remain vigilant."

So, those flares in the sky weren't actually signs of the apocalypse? It wasn't a warning from the cloud-man with the white beard? Well, it still could happen any day now. Keep an eye out for <creepyvoice>impending doooooooooom</creepyvoice>

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 15:48:23 GMT

From Wired:

"In 1997, scientists separated a pair of entangled photons by shooting them through fiber-optic cables to two villages 6 miles apart. Tipping one into a particular quantum state forced the other into the opposite state less than five-trillionths of a second later, or nearly 7 million times faster than light could travel between the two. Of course, according to relativity, nothing travels faster than the speed of light - not even information between particles."

This is what I thought famousleonard was getting at with his recent question about the "really long pole." In the blurb , linked above, follow the link about Bell's Inequality to find out how "The principle of special relativity is saved by the no-communication theorem, which proves that the observers cannot use the inequality violations to communicate information to each other faster than the speed of light." Special relativity is SAVED? Whew. We're all safe.

That guy stole my hat!

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 20:42:20 GMT

Convert the Beatnik Atheist and Get a free kick in the nuts!

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 13:51:44 GMT

http://www.familysecuritymatters.org/challenges.php?id=320069&PHPSESSID=d35a93ece85f175af648fe4ce7df8378

Don't feel like you need to read this entire article. I did a search to find out what happened at the protest at Columbia last week, and this was the first "News" item on Google.

The reason I don't take issue with the contents of this opinion piece is that it's really so run-of-the-mill:

"Happily trading in robust philosophical debate and concrete ideas for catchy slogans and one-dimensional policies, liberalism endorses a lifestyle lacking of substance and discipline, a nihilistic and self-defeating sex that takes from both participants more than it could ever give."

I'm going to assume that they mean "Social Liberalism." Fine. This guy is right. The liberal's ideal is self-destruction and nihilism. It perfectly mirrors the conservative's ideal of slavery and fascism.

Really, it's the same end, only the conservative has not yet been introduced to the expression "I'd rather be dead."

Thank you, Luke Sheahan, for prompting such stimulating debate.

EDIT: In this post, I may have come-across as "misinformed." Yes, I know. I guess my sarcasm was not well-conveyed. My whole point is that in light of the positions held by the framers of the debate, it's clear that being misinformed isn't frowned-upon. Thus, my dissertation might be called "Josh Shrugged."

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 22:01:26 GMT

In case you didn't see this posted on boingboing, it was cause for quite the explosive laughter emanating from a point about 3 feet above my desk chair:

From Blog.Wired.com:

I've been puzzling over the Republican bill to deny accused terrorists fair trials, and the seemingly-irrational language champions of the legislation have been using to describe its purpose.

The goal, "is to render justice to the terrorists, even though they will not render justice to us." -- Senator Lindsey Graham.

"We don't want (terror suspects) to have everyday rights of American civilians right here. These are war criminals." -- Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist.

It occurs to me now that the whole 94-page bill really amounts to a common, one-character programming error.

if (person = terrorist)
{
punish_severely();
}
else
{
exit(-1);
}

Can you spot the error? (Solution).

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 13:58:39 GMT

I don't usually watch Keith Olbermann on MSNBC. Not only do we not own a TV, but at the gym, I'm always so pissed-off at their jacking of Big Beeth's work for their theme song that I have to change the channel before I hear the man talk. But I do enjoy his critique of Monkey Boy and his "henchmen."

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go listen to The Ninth in its entirety to cleanse my palate.

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 20:24:48 GMT

Thanks, mlleglass

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 13:42:04 GMT

This editorial is fantastic

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 21:02:20 GMT

AWESOME

A memory stirs...
You make me think of a man
From years ago
A man who broke his parole...

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 03:28:39 GMT

OK, OK... here it is. A Sunday afternoon well-spent. mlleglass commissioned this piece a few months ago, but when bungeebot submitted his, I knew I had to get to work. The objective was to throw something together to work with samples from Conquer the Video Craze. Done.

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 16:53:42 GMT

Am I the only schmuck who doesn't like using MySpace because their ads are so annoying?

Maybe their ads aren't even that bad... but knowing that when I load a page and view those ads it's funneling money into some stockholders' pockets makes me feel like I'm being exploited. Am I the only one?

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 17:17:53 GMT

Woah.

"Art is anything you do to express yourself that you don't need to do."

<Head Explodes>

Is that right? I kinda' like it.

Please discuss.

Counter-examples?

Awesomeness

Thu, 25 May 2006 14:38:50 GMT

These fuckers flew about 1000 feet directly over my apartment a few times this morning:

'Twas a good day to work from home.

Extreme

Thu, 25 May 2006 02:48:29 GMT

After stopping off at luxnightmare's apartment just now, I popped into San Loco for a bite to eat. While I waited for my food, another customer commended me on the degree to which I was able to remain completely nonchalant in ordering a taco while holding a bloody, severed arm in my hand. I just shrugged, but the voice in my head was explaining: "That's why I'm so much more extreme than you are."

So, meanwhile, I scored the new job I've ben waiting for. And we're moving into the new apartment next Thursday. And my Radiohead tickets came in the mail today. At least our seats are such that if the sound at our seats is anything but perfect, I can turn around in my chair and punch the sound guy, in the very last row, in the face.

...And I placed 3rd in the very subjectively judged Remash Soundclash last night. Not bad for a first-ever performance. Maybe I'll render a mix and throw it up on my forthcoming website if you ask nicely.

That's no roast...

Mon, 01 May 2006 19:38:22 GMT

Has everybody seen this? Is didn't get much coverage in the media:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peter-daou/ignoring-colbert-a-small_b_20092.html

Shit like this makes me proud to be an American again.

Cellular Service

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 16:31:10 GMT

Does anyone have T-Mobile in NYC? Is there acceptable T-Mobile coverage in Manhattan? What do you think of them?

Fascinating

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 15:07:16 GMT

"Pinching Koala and Tree couples experience a kind of super symbiosis that other sorts of couples (especially vegan couples) only dream of. The harmony that comes from this kind of pairing would be revolting if it weren’t so inspirational, which is why Pinching Koalas and Trees are often surrounded by friends and would-be friends, and their schedules are often booked months in advance.

"Pinching Koala and Tree is one of the Wind sleepers poses. Other Wind poses you might explore include Softserve Swirl and Fireman's Carry.

"Koalas make for excellent lawyers and flea market bargainers, thanks to their characteristic tenaciousness."

Rewards Programs

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 15:45:29 GMT

Join our program and receive FREE ads in the mail for the next ten years. Spend hours applying, tracking your points and finding the best deals. Stress-out about only flying only with us and renting only our cars. Then, if you're really good, we'll give you the opportunity to have our trash for FREE, but only when it's inconvenient for you.

Unless you live in New York City. Then you can't have our leftovers, even when it IS inconvenient.

Sorry, guys--it happened again. I feel like the only time I post is when I want to yell a big:

Well, FUCK YOU

to somebody.

World-Class Competative Hurling

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 21:13:54 GMT

I remember when I was first made aware of the existence of Curling as an Olympic event. It was during a period of my life that involved repeated viewings of the Wayne's World movie, and at first, I thought that the event was called "Hurling." Since then, I have often imagined an Olympic event in which competitors would eat the grossest foods they could find, and vomit for volume and distance.

The USA team could be sponsored by a brand of Pork Rinds.

I am awesome.

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 14:50:17 GMT

As a kid, I always thought it would totally fucking ROCK to have one of those portable MIDI sequencers so I could write/produce music on-the-go... You know, like on the school bus... or on an airplane...

Yeah - Like one of these:

...But generally, I now take for granted that I can hit the FruityLoops on the subway to and from work every day. Whenever I leave my apartment, I'm packing software emulation of more gear than would have been found in most home studios ten years ago. I am totally living my dream... It's just too bad the product of my work is such shit.

Oh yeah - and how fucking bad-ass is it that I can talk to anyone I know at any hour of the day regardless of where I am or where he/she is?

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 21:05:23 GMT

"The Pope also made a reference to the Church's total opposition to abortion, saying the love of God shines on each child, 'even on those still unborn.'"

Naturally, with the recent development of certain new viral weaponry, the Pope has been eager to extrapolate his message of life to include the undead. "Life ends not at the moment of death, but at the moment of being put in the ground. We must treat our zombie brothers as we, ourselves, would like to be treated. Please stop cutting off their heads."

Although the Pope's comments have been made only in a zombie context, Christian Conservatives have been quick to demonstrate a complete lack of understanding or rationality. In New York City, for example, the Christian group Loving and Caring Families For Making the World a Better Place are pushing for the enforcement of Strike fines against a transit worker, David Smith, who died of an aneurysm in a hospital last Monday night.

According to the charges brought by LACFFMTWABP, Smith, loving husband and father of six, defied a court order and refused to show up for work on Tuesday morning. LACFFMTWABP Lawyer Bill Zaybub has said, "The fines levied by the court must be enforced. By refusing to come to work on Tuesday or Wednesday, David Smith broke the law and the fines must stand. This is not a question of religious beliefs. Any logical American can see why neither the life of this man, nor his duties as a Transit worker, ended before his burial early Thursday morning." When asked if Smith's street-residing family should also be responsible for coughing-up the fine for missed work on Thursday, Zaybub replied, "Well, obviously not--on Thursday, he was dead! Be reasonable!"

Happy Birthday, everybody!

Funniest joke of the year

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 17:24:56 GMT

To paraphrase my holiday letter from my employer:

"This year, all aspects of our business increased 50-100%. Profits increased 10-fold. Thanks for your hard work. Here's $100."

Woooooooo! $100! That makes all my hard work worth-while. That makes my recent 50-hour round-trip coach-class flight to Singapore all worth while. That'll more than cover this week's therapy session... AND a slice of pizza.

...

Fuck you.

Anyone know a company looking for an experienced custom video software developer and system integrator?